thinking about Internal Family Systems theory at 130am when my kid is sick, he keeps waking himself up coughing so i’m in the baby room holding him in my arms and his sister is asleep in the crib next to us. i’m typing between coughing fits.
on one hand i really wish i was sleeping right now but i’m just blown away by how big this kid is, he weighs 30 pounds and he’s heavy on my chest, his mop of blond hair fallen against my neck. He is my lithium, my heavy weight keeping me grounded, tethered to this world. I have to listen to him, it’s not about my own ego gratification anymore. And that’s the IFS connection: by taking care of my younger parts I naturally slip into a leadership role. By paying attention to the young, scared, vulnerable parts of me (or my kids) I step into Self leadership. Everyone has freaked out little kids that threaten to take over and flood the system with pain and anxiety and depression. Do we know how to put our kids to bed? I found some children’s cough syrup and it seems to have done the trick for now. i’m writing on the bathroom floor between our bedroom and the baby room.
In my half asleep state the spaces between me and Alice and Silas and Lilah are all blurred, maybe in this moment we are one system with multiple parts that all connect to each other, in the same way that i have an internal system of protectors and exiles and I am doing my best to inhabit the space of the Self - curious, compassionate, calm, courageous. Doing my best impression of a father at 2am.
i’m gonna try and get some sleep now.
Beautiful. The external and internal Family Systems. I love this! And I hope little Silas feels better soon!. 💜
This is very familiar. Many a night I have spent in the very same situation. Sending lots of love and 🍀