Boundaries and Vulnerability and Sleep Deprivation
No in the service of Yes and changes to this blog in 2024
Whoever is reading this, I want you to know that these words are being written by a person who doesn’t get nearly enough sleep, but is in love in a way he never knew was possible. And is going through some wild changes.
I started this blog shortly before our kids were born and they are now 2 1/2 years old. Back then the whole thing was very abstract, holding these little grub-like creatures in my arms, dancing around the house, writing about attachment theory and Funkadelic.
When kids are 2 and a 1/2 they are actual people with personalities, big eyes and laughs, antics and vulnerabilities. As much as I want to share the intimate details of our family’s life, I’m learning that I actually…don’t. It’s not for public consumption. Our kids are going to have a hard enough time with media boundaries in this world, they don’t need a bunch of photos and personal stories about them on the web.
This has been a strange realization for me, because for many, many years I’ve been telling personal stories about myself as a way to connect with people in the world, to feel witnessed and not feel so alone. It feels like second nature to narrate my life for an invisible audience, to feel like what I’m doing is important.
These days feeling alone is less of a problem. As terrified as I always was to have a family, I had no idea how good it could be. How hilarious and wondrous it is to be parent’s of toddlers learning how to talk and communicate; to be a part of a unit and how satisfying it is to teach children how to be people in this world.
But what comes along with this joy and love is an incredible amount of vulnerability. And a desire to protect. For whatever sets of reasons, before I was a father I didn’t think so much about protecting myself or anyone else. It allowed me a kind of freedom that many people never get to have. It could sometimes make me careless with other people’s emotions and definitely meant I ended up in some dangerous situations I’m lucky I got out of. And it could sometimes make me very lonely.
I’m going to keep writing, leaving a trail for myself in this blog, but it’s going to be explicitly more about my feelings and experiences being a father, less about the details of the kids, and if I post a photo it won’t be of their faces. I’m going to change the name of the blog as soon as I get around to it.
I still very much want to stay in contact with my old friends and make new ones. If you were here for the cute photos and we already know each other please just reach out to me, I have tons of them and I’m happy to share with family and friends!
In the meantime, thanks for reading and being a witness to all the wildness, inside and out.
(I will admit that the photos of the kids making this pie with Alice are way more awesome than this photo of the pie. So it goes.)
Storybook images are from
Good night Gorilla by Peggy Rathman
Jamberry by Bruce Degen
I totally understand. I’m only permitted to
post one of my 8 grandchildren and now I probably won’t post any photos of him as he is now a teen. I love reading your words, Sascha. You are a beautiful writer. Sending love to all❤️
And I totally agree. I’ve been envious of you and others posting their baby pictures and grandparents posting their grandchildren because I’ve been forbidden to do such on social media. I’ve always been allowed to share photos with friends but not post so I think you’re making the right decision. I think my kids made the right decision protecting their kids boundaries, so Bravo and I’m so happy to read how happy you continue to be being a parent even though we know it can be grueling and challenging. Ultimately it’swhat life fall about enjoy the ride! I’m in LA right now maybe I’ll see you at the park in an hour!